I had a very proud "mummy moment" the other night I just had share :)!
As those of you following may recall... Connor has PICA which means he is very limited with his food selections. One of his main foods is chicken crispy "Shape" bickies. They must not be broken, and must be fresh. Also, depending on his mood, only 4 or 5 in the bowl at a time.
So you can imagine the amount of wasted bickies in the house! If I don't catch whomever opens the packet for him, and put straight into an air tight container, they have to be thrown out. Today, doing a spring clean, I found 3 boxes opened... Grrrrr! Of course I thought I could trick him.... I put them into containers once I found them (3 different containers of course).
When he came to ask for the usual "red juice and bickies" this evening, I followed the routine and placed 4 into the bowl. "Yuck!" And they were tipped into the bin. We tried all 3 containers... With the same response. At this point I was very frustrated. Tired of seeing the waste - I told him "no more bickies!" Yeah that went well. Of course I still have a stock pile in the cupboard but after 3 almost full packets being thrown out I was not going to open yet another! Sent a very upset little man off to bed....with no bickies. :(
Letting him cry it off, I headed outside to hang out some washing. When I came back inside the crying had stopped. All was quiet. I had suspicions that he had helped himself to another packet. The pantry doors left open in the kitchen was a big give away ;). I went into his room and I asked him..."did you get some bickies?" No response. I checked around him and could not find a box anywhere. So left the room. I returned a few minutes later to put some clothes away and a little voice said...."don't be mad mummy"..... Now normally I would be mad. Take the bickies away and send him back to bed empty handed. Not tonight:). New strategy... I asked for them, and then we together tipped the whole box into a container, counted out 5 for his bowl, and sent him back to bed. 15 minutes later he was asleep.
Let me explain why my typical ranting reaction did not happen. This was the first time Connor actually owned up to doing something wrong!!! Not the monster (read my other posts), not one one of his siblings, not the invisible mischievous elf that sometimes lives in this house!
HE ACTUALLY TOOK RESPONSIBILITY FOR HIS ACTIONS!
This is something we have struggled with...how can we guide him towards good behaviour if its not him making the choices?
I often battle with the right way to handle discipline with all the kids, not just Connor. When I ask for something to be done, or not to be done, I expect it done. And when it's not, I am a firm believer in actions have consequences. Do something wrong, and you are punished. This can be in the form of time outs, something taken away etc etc. But I have also recognised the fact that none of this is working with Connor.
So I hope that tonight he learnt that owning up makes mummy happy and he is more likely to achieve a better outcome. I also hope he learnt to tip the box of bickies into another container ;)
Seriously .... It's tough sometimes. How do we handle the bad behaviours? My current strategies are not helping, and in fact I am learning they are only causing more distress to all of us. It was interesting that just after this occurred, I read a post on the Facebook Autism Discussion Page - on this very topic!
The link:
https://www.facebook.com/autismdiscussionpage/posts/578312775581560
So - the mummy moment.... Yes - Connor owning responsibility AND the fact that mummy handled the situation in a hopefully more productive way! Cheers for mummy!!!!!
Hey - we have to cheer ourselves on sometimes!!!
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