What can you do??? Autism Awareness 2014

Recently I was reminded of an incident that occurred at our local grocery store, about 3 years ago. Mr C was doing his usual tricks. Demanding and in total meltdown mode. I was giving up. In tears a woman came to me, with an understanding, sympathetic, non judgemental attitude and sat with me so I could out pour my woes. 

"I don't know what to do"

"I can't keep going"

"He is so out of control"

Did she have the answers? No. Of course not! This was before Mr C was diagnosed and before we were educated about the sensory over load. But the fact that she listened, instead of the stares and groans and eye rolling helped me get through that day. 

Some of you may have read my last years Autism awareness post, where I outlined so many issues we faced and are still facing, and will forever face with Mr C. I am not going to repeat the story. You can read about it on my blog. I could write pages of the things we have learnt over the past 22 months... But again - you can read my blog. What I want to share this year is how you can make a difference to a family that live with ASD. 

The below list is things I have noticed, lived or discussed with other mums, and this is not a cry for assistance for me.....

Before you start reading the rest of this post/blog I am going to ask you something. Please don't judge!!! These are my personal opinions and what we were or are living with. It's hard to ask for help, and many won't!!! Some are traveling fine with issues on this list, and have support already (please forgive me and don't be offended) but others are struggling. And if you can think if anything I have missed.... Please let me know to include or comment!!!

Meals. Sounds silly I know, but when you live with the constant, ongoing, on your toes to make sure everything runs smooth, you get exhausted!! Cooking for some can be another chore you find difficult to face. Even more so if the kids have special or difficult feeding issues. I personally often forgo cooking for myself and just do what the kids require. Exhaustion. It's cruel. 

Shopping. Due to all the sensory issues, ASD kids are very difficult to take shopping. So if you have time - offer to take the shopping list with you on your next shop. Or pick up a few basics before you visit. Even offer to go with!! So when the child begins to meltdown, mum can deal and the shopping can continue!!! 

Housework. Even if it's just doing the dishes, taking out the trash or folding the washing while you visit. Perhaps weed a garden or organise a mowing service. 

Kids living with ASD may have siblings. It's tough on them. Really tough. They miss out on so much. While parents need a break, so do these other kids!!! Offer to take them to the park, a sleep over, a movie or out for an ice cream!!! It may give mum a break to focus on other things for an hour or two. 

Social inclusion. It is hard sometimes taking kids out to new or public places. Going to a friends place sometimes is simply a nightmare!!! Will he have a meltdown and destroy something? is my usual immediate reaction!!! The other popular one in this house is "can he escape???"  

If we do go somewhere different we have to pack food (special needs), sensory items (in case he gets overwhelmed) and his safety blanket (in case he does not have a quiet place to go to calm down). So yeah - it's easier to just make up some lame excuse not to go! Call in a sitter??? Lol. Very few sitters can be prepared for what they are about to face, and since the almighty "routine" is upset you can expect trouble!!! It takes courage to leave your kid with a new someone and heaps of preparation. So how can you socially include the family?? Little steps. Understanding. Find out any special needs. One time We went to a new place and when we arrived I was shown a special quiet spot just for Mr C!!! Awesome!!! Made our visit so much easier! The alternative ..... Expect a "one sided" visit relationship. :) My friends are always welcome but I seldom visit them. :(

Be aware and be educated - but don't push your new found knowledge or the "latest cure" on to the family. Our kids are all individuals just like any other kid. What works with one may not work with another. I think it's great when my friends share information with me - it shows they took the time to find out more, but often the content is irrelevant. One example is our Mr C does not travel well, including excessive rocking. A family member casually mentioned an idea from her OT friend that giving him a button to play with in the car might assist.... <big sigh> He would eat it and then we would have choking to include on the list of traveling problems. But hey.... At least they had been "chatting" with a professional about the issues :). 

The BEST form of support is finding a local support group and get them there!!!! These people experience it, live with it and welcome sharing and learning from others living the life.

As one amazing person commented "don't ask if everything is ok.... Ask what you can do to help". 

Be Autism Aware!!!!

Ps. Yes I stole the photos from various Facebook groups/pages. Most have the links on them... Check them out!!!