Stress

A friend of mine recently posted her guilty feelings on facebook regarding her ability to care for her son.  No he is not a special needs child, but it prompted me to write this post about stress.  Another mother in America was recently charged for attempted manslaughter of her ASD child.  

Stress.  Not something we like to talk about but something we all face.

As a mother we face so much stress. And also guilt.  Are we doing the right thing for our kids? I slipped them a lolly during shopping – have I ruined their teeth?? Will I screw up their innocent minds?? How can I afford it all?? Should I spend more time with them? How will they cope with peer pressure? Have I given them tools against bullying? Am I rotten for relying on disposable nappies?? Should I help more with the homework? 

Add in the pressures of looking after a special needs child... what did I do during pregnancy to cause this? How can I explain this to our family?  How can I take him to that family gathering?  How can I get him to eat?  How can I get him to sleep? What other therapy should we be attending? I missed doing his communication book – will he lapse? Why won’t the education system accept the fact he WON’T respond to that? How can I protect the other kids?  What if he wonders away again? What are the other kids (siblings) missing out on because of this?  How are our life changes going to affect the other children?

Lack of sleep – sleep deprivation is a tool of torture. Need I say more??

Also – just out of interest – I have been told that when a family are first told of a life diagnosis such as ASD – the grief is as much as losing a child.  Apparently (I do say apparently because I am yet to face this), because our hopes and dreams for our child are not what we got dealt.

OMG!!!! Seriously??? We don’t stand a chance!!!  

So how do we deal with it?? I have read so much about Carers Stress, and yeah – some of the advice is so unpractical. But there is a glimmer of hope.  So here are my tips that I TRY to live by!

1. Link up with support.  YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!!  There are support groups, mother’s groups organisations such as Carers Qld.  If there isn’t one in your area – START ONE!!!
2. Talk to the professionals.  GP, physiologists, therapists and child health nurses. There is nothing to be ashamed of. Depression is a real health condition that can be treated.
3. Reach out.  Friends, family even facebook (my personal favourite ;) ). Talk to people.  Remove the judgemental negative people from your social circle.  They are not worth it.
4. Time out.  My hardest battle. It’s hard to take time out with so much happening.  Time out does not mean a weekend away (I wish) but can be a 15 min break to breathe.  Make yourself a sanctuary somewhere right at home.  A chair outside. A corner inside. A no kid zone.
5. Help others.  There is nothing like the sense of accomplishment when you do a good deed for another.
6. Accept assistance.  It’s hard to admit you need a hand sometimes.  I know. Been there.  But people want to help – let them know how!!! It could be a friend doing your dishes while you take a breather or a generous someone cooking your dinner.  Let them do it and accept graciously.

I could write about this for days. And get into a lot more in-depth with some of the tips – and most likely I will at a later date. But I want to get the word out there. 

Again – YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

That is why I write this blog.  I want to connect and support others in similar situations.  If you have no-one who understands – I do.  

This is my second time round as a “carer”, third time mother,  so I know STRESS.  

For 4 years I looked after my Grandma who had dementia, 24/7.  I was at breaking point with my stress before help stepped in. When Makayla was suffering undiagnosed reflux, again a very good friend stepped in and sought assistance for me before I totally cracked.  More recently, when my father passed away unexpectedly, the stress and grief was so intense, I could not cope.

Everyone deals with stress in different ways. But PLEASE do not shut down.  Connect with support.

I could fill the page with platitudes. But I won’t. I will share a one phrase that has always stuck with me...

"As parents – we can only do the best we can do."

(Thank you Tara xoxoxo)

And of course

YOU ARE AWESOME!!!!