Holiday blues......

Thanks Facebook peps for putting up with my blow by blow holiday posts! Living with ASD in our house has seen so many (too many) sacrifices, including holidays. 

Our last family holiday was over 3 years ago to a family wedding at Vanuatu. The lead up to the holiday was extremely stressful, with Connors tendencies to run off, escaping any area in the middle in the night for a stroll, inability to sit still for any length of time (car trip & airplane flight), frustrations and head splitting tantrums due to communication difficulties and eating issues - the whole thing almost caused me a breakdown before we began!!! Lol

The trip was awesome! We were surrounded by family who were aware of Connors tendencies, and the locals loved the curly blonde haired baby imp who was often returned to us before we knew he was missing! Hehe. Walking in the beautiful gardens at the resort, we were greeted by gardeners and such with a "Good morning Connors Mummy/Daddy". 

But this was not a 'normal' holiday. We had over 30 people on the flight that we knew....more than that at the resort! Not something that would normally occur on an annual holiday. The trip did show us how difficult travel could be (without ALL that support), and this was pre diagnosis!!!!!!

So holiday time was put off. Easier to just stay at home. But during the past 18 months, since Connors diagnosis, intervention and strategies have assisted him so much, his behaviour and our understanding of his needs has improved so much too. So after the difficult times for me personally this past 8 months, when a friend offered to support me, in fact pushed me ;), to take a few days away with the kids, I thought we could try it.....

And I am and will be forever grateful for this opportunity. Sounds crazy but it has shown me that holidays, with the right environment, attitudes and planning, can be fun. I had lost that... The fun....

This trip I am seeing things through new eyes. Enjoying the simple things. 

I watched with utter joy the amazement on his face when he saw the ocean for the first time (that he can remember). His excitement picking up a sea shell and putting into his pocket. And then with pride as he walked up to a castle some strange kids were building, to place the shell on the castle and walk away. The laughter as the sand washed away over our feet with the waves. The giggles as mummy tried to jump waves. The squeals of delight on a carousel, throwing a coin in the pond and making a wish.

During our first morning stroll to the beach, our friend joined us. While she regularly comes here for a break, rarely visits the beach, but did this morning. She commented tonight how much she enjoyed it and how seeing all the kids faces with smiles and laughter made her day. How different it is to see the wonders of the world around us through any child's eyes. 

It's the simple things.... The laughter, smiles, astonishment, the new experiences. I guess all kids experience these things, but we got lost in the stresses, treatments, interventions and behaviours. 

Start looking anew at your world peoples. Last night we sat for 30 mins to watch a crab scurry on the sand. 

Simple pleasures. And yes, I am having fun too!!! 

Happy holidays! Xoxoxo

Ps - will soon blog the whole holiday adventure, including photos in case you missed it ;)

A Mummy Moment....

I had a very proud "mummy moment" the other night I just had share :)!

As those of you following may recall... Connor has PICA which means he is very limited with his food selections.  One of his main foods is chicken crispy "Shape" bickies.  They must not be broken, and must be fresh.  Also, depending on his mood, only 4 or 5 in the bowl at a time.

So you can imagine the amount of wasted bickies in the house! If I don't catch whomever opens the packet for him, and put straight into an air tight container, they have to be thrown out. Today, doing a spring clean, I found 3 boxes opened... Grrrrr! Of course I thought I could trick him.... I put them into containers once I found them (3 different containers of course).

When he came to ask for the usual "red juice and bickies" this evening, I followed the routine and placed 4 into the bowl. "Yuck!" And they were tipped into the bin.  We tried all 3 containers... With the same response.  At this point I was very frustrated. Tired of seeing the waste - I told him "no more bickies!" Yeah that went well.  Of course I still have a stock pile in the cupboard but after 3 almost full packets being thrown out I was not going to open yet another! Sent a very upset little man off to bed....with no bickies. :(

Letting him cry it off, I headed outside to hang out some washing. When I came back inside the crying had stopped. All was quiet.  I had suspicions that he had helped himself to another packet.  The pantry doors left open in the kitchen was a big give away ;). I went into his room and I asked him..."did you get some bickies?"  No response. I checked around him and could not find a box anywhere.  So left the room.  I returned a few minutes later to put some clothes away and a little voice said...."don't be mad mummy"..... Now normally I would be mad. Take the bickies away and send him back to bed empty handed. Not tonight:). New strategy... I asked for them, and then we together tipped the whole box into a container, counted out 5 for his bowl, and sent him back to bed. 15 minutes later he was asleep.

Let me explain why my typical ranting reaction did not happen. This was the first time Connor actually owned up to doing something wrong!!! Not the monster (read my other posts), not one one of his siblings, not the invisible mischievous elf that sometimes lives in this house! 

HE ACTUALLY TOOK RESPONSIBILITY FOR HIS ACTIONS!

This is something we have struggled with...how can we guide him towards good behaviour if its not him making the choices? 

I often battle with the right way to handle discipline with all the kids, not just Connor.  When I ask for something to be done, or not to be done, I expect it done. And when it's not, I am a firm believer in actions have consequences. Do something wrong, and you are punished.  This can be in the form of time outs, something taken away etc etc. But I have also recognised the fact that none of this is working with Connor. 

So I hope that tonight he learnt that owning up makes mummy happy and he is more likely to achieve a better outcome. I also hope he learnt to tip the box of bickies into another container ;)

Seriously .... It's tough sometimes.  How do we handle the bad behaviours? My current strategies are not helping, and in fact I am learning they are only causing more distress to all of us.  It was interesting that just after this occurred, I read a post on the Facebook Autism Discussion Page - on this very topic! 

The link:

https://www.facebook.com/autismdiscussionpage/posts/578312775581560

So - the mummy moment.... Yes - Connor owning responsibility AND the fact that mummy handled the situation in a hopefully more productive way! Cheers for mummy!!!!! 

Hey - we have to cheer ourselves on sometimes!!! 

Christmas is almost here....

And with it all the end of year events....

Sometimes... Tonight was Connors kindy concert. Something we had been preparing for. Social stories and lots of encouragement, but we were not getting much excitement from him about it. 

His teacher pulled me aside one afternoon for a chat about the concert. Firstly she stated that he loved the practising. He responds well to music and dance, but understood if I did not bring him. I was taken aback a bit but said we would be there, even though we were to be in Toowoomba for his medical appointment. She also let us know that he would be placed on one end in case I saw a need to remove him. 

After much inner debate I decided the trip to Toowoomba would be cancelled so he did not have to contend with the trip on the day of the concert. 

So the evening arrives and off to the concert we go.....

Once dressed and all 3 kiddies are in the car, Connor demands his transformers which were left on the table... During the short trip we had tears and drama. Hitting his baby sister. No consoling him. By the time we got there I was ready to go home. :(. But decided to persevere. This concert was important. Even if he did not recognise it. 

So we arrive. Bub in the pram, older sis waiting by pram, grandma also waiting patiently. Next... Connor. As he was getting out of the car I noticed he had wet himself. Wtf??? Has not done this in a year or more!! So leaving the others we return home to get changed, and to pick up the transformers. 

Return trip to the school. "Park now". "No Connor it's concert time. You and xxx and xxxx can sing songs for the parents tonight". "No. Park I tell you". So we hop out of the car and head into the hall. He sees the other kids and starts playing. All might be ok....

The kiddies are all lined up and sitting so beautifully, and as promised, Connor was on the end. He sat so quietly during the "reflection" song. And then the performances started. The first few songs he did not really participate in.  My heart went out for him.  His angry face was on. I started to tear up at how lost and angry and frustrated he looks. 

Until I realised he could not see the prompting teacher at the back if the hall. So big sis, who was also videoing, started doing the actions. too. He could see her and started to join in. It was going to be ok. He started enjoying himself. He smiled. That awesome heart melting smile. It was going to be all ok. 

This gave me a chance to check out the other kids. It was a kiddie concert after all. A few were misbehaving. One needed a parent with them. It made me wonder if the "special needs" of my son were not needs of very child. All need to be guided, loved and fears need to be overcome!!!

I was so very proud of my boy. He did so well in the end. When his name was called out for his "records" he proudly strutted up to receive his pile. He is growing up so fast it is scaring me. I fear so much for his future sometimes. Will the guidance we and his educators be enough?

Well we have just one more Christmas event left to go. I hope, since this time WILL be in the park, things might go a bit smoother from the start....

And in case I don't blog against before Christmas, I would like to wish all of you a safe and joyous time. 

Thank you for your support and joining me in this journey....

Ps. Sorry re the quality of the photos. Cropped from the awesome videos big sis took of the night. I did not, for privacy issues, want to show other children's faces. :)